things that i don't know how to said.....

sometimes i don't know how to said maybe i have to use to it ...
have to learn to walk at this time , i'm free to go i'll never going to look back , all i have is just forget it , you have thought me much thanks alots .
what a news you have, at least you go will the happy way,moment that i play joke with you , talk to you , what you said what you thought ... it just end it here,what else i can ask for , the love you gave me is more then a real father can give maybe,you left with a smile , things that you said in the room that day was my last to see you forwardly how could this happend ? i can start to learn stay alone , maybe i remember i cry on the time when i have a selection you hug me and tell me sometimes things will regret after you choose ,so what are you doing now or later don't worry and don't regret and work it hard , i work very hard i also did what i can sorry you can't see what i'm having now , but i'm not sure can i really stay alone i have no idea, you guide me thought the way this few years althought i did not really know you quite long maybe 4 years is a good realationship,i've remember that time i cry you hug at me it's so warm, i remember i remember i remember .
you said glad that i'm here with you that day , why don't you just tell me that you are not felling weird or what ? maybe i can predict it or what ... a sudden leaving i can't accept it . althought i'm smiling but people do not know my feeling . it's so cold now , tear are droping , things went so wrong . i should have told you more things or maybe i should tell you more jokes that day , i 'm leaving you a empty msg and it's just a few hours chat... i hope i stay longer so i can tell you more things but i can't make it sorry i'm sorry , i thought you want to rest but you were thinking something else , I SHOULD not leave so early i should stay , i should !your giving are more then i can imagine,sorry i'm very sorry i can't change things here but i felt so bad you know.You threat me so well as a son but i can't mange to hold you till the end ,It's not faith , it's my mistake it always my mistake ... there is no one else then here.i can't things now , i'm breaking down... you said "sam move on you did well , proplem that you have is not the problem , that problem you can slove easy". after reciving something after his incident i know what happend and why he lefted something for me and it's something that i've slove the problem , you not even my father but why would you do that , i have no idea , sorry crying at now are pointsless ,the relationship of us is not about that , is the meaning and the facts that we share it's a joyful share , why just why .... sorry i work very hard for what you said and i do and do , i'll never leave you a empty answer for that.things that you gave i don't know how to give back or return , thanks you for all of this years and words. You are a person of the picture gone with ....what you told me that day on the room i'll do i will .