It's 6 in the morning ,i did not feel very tired just don't know why . i wanted to post something but i just don't know where to start or how to start ... well weeks ago i had a new small fish tank , kinda happy with it now i'm just finish graduated from the one academy ... was kindly lazy to do much things yet slacking at home don't know do what ... 

This few week were fixing my computer also .. kinda headache .... don't know what happen suspected hdd then reformated and also change hdd as os same problem again ... then figure out it might be ram so send ram to warranty , then  ram cam back .. the problem still here just don't know what happen .... sad ...was suspecting motherboard now ... Owhhh no idea .....

Last week beng choi gave me this figure ... damn cool lo the pose ... wow so dynamic he also gave me another spawn ...

I want to said alot of things in my life but i just don't know how to start .
maybe i should just start with some emo words ... , i miss someone i regrets what i've done , i hope i only hope it did not happen ... just my ego went to high . but it already happen ... my mum were so negative about me ... my dad like doesn't care me anymore , it seem i was born extra ... for some part i always said my father were only care about my brother , in some part someone told me that i'm jealous about it , yes i am .. when you are not in my situation , you can't judge what you think or said ... it's beyond your imagination , i hate people that keep tell me that i'm wrong when they don't even know my situation , so i have to just accept that fact about it , life get bored sometime when you can't get what you want and needs.

Well i think i'm getting tired .. should go sleep now .... X D

Blaming and waiting?

Hi ... i don't who will come and visit those day . busy am i , i can't just tell you that i'm busy ...There are few things i just realize in my life . many things has change i've said that it been years ago ...

Blaming and waiting

-You can't blame others that they can't make it big, blame yourself which is don't have the guts to standout and do it.

-Things doesn't happen if you wait , and hope that somebody will give you better idea .

-You would said if I were they , you will definitely do it better.
-I don't know what are they thinking , they are just stupid people i can do better then them if i'm leading it.

-You can't make things big , because you never start something small .
-Life suck , stay around with bunch of loser .

People just love blaming others , for my use of blaming i would use it most on myself . because you can't just blame people that they can't do better things then you do.I believe myself a lot sometimes i'm over confident about myself that make things worst ... that's just me i ain't perfect .. even god made mistake so we should forget and forgive ourself...

Life goes on ... on and on......

 

Friends?

This feeling is lonely , feel my heart , for way too long .... i lie awake because i'm scare !

there are some feeling that you always stay behind and you got to feel it by yourself it/s hard to tell somebody how you feel sometimes when you don't even know how to express or tell . when the time you notice that you are deeply mad or sad it's too late to share your feeling out because it's just too late. Sometimes people said that they know you well but at the end how much do they really know you when you don't know how much about yourself.

when i'm deeply sad i have no people to tell and said i just sit down at home and listen to my music and start to think of those memories and then start to realize that how many friends do i really have the good one and the just for entertain once i have no idea , somehow i've just feel that begin alone is all i want but too bad sometimes things comes and goes around my life line it's hard .I've no hope on my friends because i don't know what positions am i . sometimes noisy people talking that can calm me down ... i have no idea why and so but that always does at here , but i just don't know what i really want at my life because i'm scare .

 sometimes you stay at home and you look at your facebook and you notice that no one really around there you just don't know what it happens but it happen . well i have there's one day i went to facebook and spam all the online list people that i so called know and  there are one person called johnny reply me and ask me for tea and i actually went out and when i reach there a-wei was there too had a talking season and it's about hours or two we went home because they two need to work and it's kinda late at that time ... in those conversation i've notice that is always people around just that i did not get them updated so people around is getting smaller and smaller connection ... which i notice that it happen on me most of the friends that close to me are not really around ...  i have no idea what happen and why it happen ... weird right . neh it  happen on me i don't know how about you ... i can't hate myself but have to have my own attitude because it made me change ....

I've got a msg from a person he said hei stop blaming yourself when you notice there you are not the problem here and stop begin an stupid ass .. if you are not just stop blaming yourself .

I've stop begin emo because it only make me sad but not solve my problem ...

People are acting weird !

sometimes i feel very sad about my life, all my friends that so called friends actually use me , and i already fed up with this kind of attitude, well well i must stop thinking about it because it's not going to change anything if i'm angry or anything else. Well i just get my another internet line done and i'm waiting for the mini laptop to send over now , it works pretty well on the line and i think it's good .

I always learn things from life , if you drink beer you started to look around you and you see sometime you were just begin lucky , well i was thought to do something like this, if you not happy just go to the pub had a cold beer or a jar or 2 and sit down and talk to yourself tell yourself you are as lucky then those people around , at first i don't think it really works after a drunk night , i sit at the door and look at the dark sky , and i start to tell myself
why is that the star so beautiful today? i ask ,and i reply myself because it's always there just that you don't see .wow such as interesting fact i told myself.

I started to hate everything again , people around me , they love to talk about shit that can't be change , which i hate most of the time , they said the high way road is suck they should have another road , so i ask so in order to make it better which road do you think you need to have an extra road for the high way , you know what there's no answer from the one who condemn that only make things worst.I've learn if you want to condemn you got to have a solution for yourself not just telling people that's the problem and you can't really fix it , it's wasted of time to bring out such a topic with no ending.

Well life it's just being boring nowadays , there's like no direction in front , there's no hope line i saw .People around me they only care about themselves which i already found it out myself , i no longer need shadow to wait me anymore because i know my shadow is pickup very fast with me , lol what the hell i'm talking ... just don't care about that just something i want to said.

Things that i think is correct and do it's like very wrong to do , i got that kind of feeling i i just don't know why and what happen , going to RNH apprentice program i should be happy but now i'm worry about alot of shit such as india there this and that ... argggg just drop that shit ,i'm telling myself

This is something i digital painting it out thanks to roberto.freire to give me this permission to colour his works i just love this to be colour !!!!

After 3 week I'm back.

Woot... kinda had some work on hand , this is my free time now, kinda working on Uncle Tan office stuff , solve all the design that he ask now it's my time to refine all the design and stuff, was requested to do some layout for the website for him that pass my 3 weeks on those projects. kinda still in progress so it's will be kinda slow now due to my final project is on.

I went to check out my result that day ... guess what ... 2A2B kinda surprise me that i get that. did not really know how but i try, for the last 4 month before i leave my X group i had a dream , it show that if i keep up with them i will just spout out , lucky i follow what i dream it's kinda hard at the 1st , but it end up kinda fun too.Sometimes i'm just over react that something gonna happen so i keep do what i can that why i get what i want now. 

Actually i don't care how people said about me anymore good or bad . I seriously don't care anymore since I've the problem that i should have solve it early but i keep drag and drag.... what the use when you drag a things ... no use at all , soon or later it's just happen like that . so i don't care anymore .

Someone gave me up , i walk my way searching for the correct answer . Rumors said this and that spread it around  lots of problem generate it out , i just don't know why you dare to tell people how bad is but you don't dare to said it when it's in front. 

Well i had a major down fall after Uncle pass away at hospital just like that...6 month back , it happen a lots of things in my life , was kinda lost and i don't know where to go ... but i still remember what you said "Hold me now don't cry, don't say a word  just hold me now and I will know, Dream and don't be afraid the dream's not real close your eyes, and pretend." seriously it from the stupid song that i listen before.. but when a person about to go everything what he said already go into my mind.Since i'm like your god child but it seem like i did not done well enough that time... there is a sem which everyone is not happy in the group and end up problem came out .. was very worry about it that time, but i dream of something else , it's just like a sign to tell me leave the group they don't need me anymore , that's what i did and all the things just happen like a dream . the major down fall i really learn a lot , things that i don't want i will just cut it off and forget about it.

No one understand my feeling , so i've just keep to myself and i think it's about time to give it all up now stop wasting time on things that can't came back or recovery. all i want is get what i want do what i should do.for the pass week i've doing something planning very cool , i plan all my stuff again ... i plan how to sleep what to eat... and what to do ... cycling always .. to keep me fat in fit shape .  

I was not very happy for the last few weeks ago , a lot of shit happen and i don't know how to control , Mic said that i have change , he said i was a very good leader last time but not now.he said , and he also told me that he'll still respect me and be my shadow , from that point i've decided to let go my ego and sit down to listen things i should now.

There was a day i went to a pub and sit alone there , and i was drinking alone and look everything happen in the pub why people were so happy when they are in here, i just don't get it.well a lots of flash back just like those movie ... like it's the 1st time i had my beer in the pub.I sit there and think again and again ... i notice it's time.Things that i went through happy sad things happen ......i went home and drink continue i count can by can only i realize that  i hate beer , but i love it now. i just don't know why i like it so much it's like totally different now.I also learn that things that i like now maybe later i will hate it. 

Don't make conclusion 1st do a try first because your theory might be wrong. 

I just love writing so much it's like my little diary of everything , Uncle told me Sam If one day you read back your own blog , you will know you changes a lots and you are growing up very fast, for the last 3 week i started to read from the 1st page till present days . I actually see the changing of me so seriously ... there are a lots of tear in here and joyful memories.

I actually made myself a visual board to keep me back in track , it really work , most of the things in my visual board before 25, i'm like getting few things i already had.. it's just like a dream come true believe it or not this work for real, i tell myself i want that i want that , don't ask yourself how to get it , all you need is you got to believe that you already have , it's works perfectly ...!!! i had my watch , puppies ,my 1st design payout. all just happen in this few month and it's amazing ....

There will be no picture for this post.

all i want to said is SAMSON YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY 90 KG and you promises that you must have beautiful chest in next 2 month  that why i promises myself in my visual board.

Some stupid joke that i had today when i'm watching IRON MAN 2 in cinema , we went to watch movie at Tropicana mall and the fun parts is , there was an uncle sit beside Sum and his phone ring few time already ... the 3rd time he ring sum told that uncle that his phone ringing and the uncle reply it's music ...can't you imagine that it's music !! 3 time already ... hahaha then Sum told that uncle to switch the phone to silent ...

that the best joke of my day today.

And somehow people don't really know how to enjoy a movie , IRON MAN 2 is cold joke movie and i found out that people read the subtitle more then your listen that why they said it's bored and not nice.I personal think that it's kinda cool and great about it no comment.

DIscovery or recovery.

It's been a long day out there , went it's time that's it. Well sometime i just don't know why people think that i'm so free like nothing to do sit at home, i might be doing some work while keeping myself on line ,out of sudden you will have some pop up msg that people will msg you sometimes you don't really want to reply because you know it may take never ending to chat.

As a reason pass today , I've learn what is coincidence , Dion ask me early about this why did you not drive out to here? i answer why should i drive out? and then he said you know what i should tell kenny about that, that is why i asking. so believe it or not i post a msg on facebook about it that is "You always ask around to search for the answer to replace your question, you should have your own brain." Dion is always asking for answer even when we were small that time , he's quite smart at trick people to answer his question. so it's just timing problem yet someone unexpected coincidence reply the msg. well i also confess  that it's not them well let it be believe it or not , it dependence on how you see things from this view.

I don't want to argue in a conversation that i assume something will happen, since last time he posted a lot of funny msg but he did not list the name so i assume it's not me , but when time goes i think back , it much more like giving me hints that he's directly point at me. if you want to tell me things straight just let me know. sometime it's wrong situation and wrong emotion , you might have a fight or a cold war with your family , i might have that too.  when things are not chilled it's make more worst. 

You said i did not find you tea neither my friends . now everyone is busy about their own stuff . Tea? maybe we should put it break. it's break time , time to have some food and back to work.
this situation has been with me more then 6 month , since i doing my final project and it's quite heavy job for all of us to do so.

Who don't want to have tea everyday talking around about life, i'm almost lifeless now. the time i have is at after midnight so you free after midnight?

friends said that it's a generation gap, if yes why can we be friends with uncles they all you said they are generation gap even do we don't see each other much nowadays but still keep in contact, might drop me a funny msg or drop me an email. so where's the generation gap now?
i don't know how this came out from your mouth , but you were just helping well i understand.

And i just realize i'm having holiday now , things i check back my facebook it's like quite sometime i did not put a massive spam on people facebook , now i can do it .After today it's time to help Uncle Tan to settle his website things , pretty much i hear the brief and it's shocking , broacher and logo design and his company it's like have lots of product , it made me kinda confuse sometimes, many logo and the not so fun parts is he don't know what he wants so i have to decide to give him some idea.

So means holiday is still doing work, even do my father is busy with Uncle Tan new office at kota kemuning and my brother is kinda busy with the hotel things in Penang.

I din ask much for rebate , as i can said i treat everyone the same way . even do sometimes friends beside said that don't waste time to help him or her , i do still help because i don't stand at people position to decide my answer. I don't need to psycho you to read anything from here but i was really grateful what i have been wrote it out, things i never said i never said. things that it should go to the public i'll just tell somebody.

I think the argument stop, with no recovery.
Things i should said i already told. things that i put in my heart it's become words .
sometimes you just need to let go , and you will find the true answer.

well if you still saw this msg to my still or no longer pet brother,
Congratulation on your wedding, hope you have happy moment with you wife.
You ask me before is she good ? remember how i answer you? You think she is good then she is good= ) .and no hard feeling for you the question i give you back is me good ? now that's your answer.

Oh ya i forget to mention this things , there are things like msn . you blocked people or you appeal offline , people that you block or appeal offline will not see anything from your update tittle, same goes to the facebook. And if you want to talk to me straight just directly send to me don't need to deleted me in facebook and shout out at your own status "if i can tell the person... blah and blah...." Thanks to my friends that updated me.

I just don't know who am i around you anymore.

well well it's my birthday i get something new on my right hand X D
a limited Green collection watch from G-shock , thanks anyway i know it's a heavy gift .
few friends that call me up and give me a wish early .

a lot of things happen , i did not really celebrate it actually feel that there is nothing much feeling empty in life already . since uncle pass away seem like not much people know it's my birthday..
firstly i'm not surprise about it because truly friendship really do care about this small things in life thanks to those who send me msg and was surprise that they know it's my birthday.

For those few people that celebrate with me thanks a lot i don't have any big party recently and cny also so sorry for that , have to control my financial already have small business to start .

busy with business planing and searching for location so many things to do , mengz is not free to talk about the things recently so have to do it myself 1st , do planning and stuff 1st Andy also quite buzy so we separate the work already.

Things i might get a bit sad that is my pet brother din even wish me on my birthday i though i was someone caring from his side , maybe i just wrong . am i? haiz last year i was upset actually and had a argument with him , we silent for few month . As i still remember  he said about friendship that really make me made at that time , he said until so important but he forget about people birthday and stuff , maybe i can't make him remember what he should , i should ask myself what am i , in his positions maybe just something else. I just think too much , mengz said sometimes you threat people like what they should but you don't get what you should have , so never threat people what you think they should , he told me.  i still 50 /50 agree on his statement sometimes but sometimes i'm 100% agree with him. Me and mengz we might have argument in between but lately we understand and we give steps .

sometime i ask should i threat people what i think?I just don't know maybe i follow my heart .
i've seem people betray me a along my life , things that i expect it's expected. 
i just don't know what should i do sometimes.

for my feeling , if a normal friend forget about something of me , i think it pretty normal . for a best friends forget something of me , i think it's a joke i will not happen. if a closed friends like your blood brother , they forget something of me i think i'm totally upset.

I remember the things you said , do you remember what i said?
I respect you so do i get my respect?
I am who to beside you?a friend?a best friend? blood brothers?actually nothing?

Wh question , you got a question now?

what    asking for information about something    What is your name?

what...for    asking for a reason, asking why    What did you do that for?

when    asking about time    When did he leave?

where    asking in or at what place or position    Where do they live?

which    asking about choice    Which colour do you want?

who    asking what or which person or people (subject)    Who opened the door?

whom    asking what or which person or people (object)    Whom did you see?

whose asking about ownership Whose are these keys?     Whose turn is it?

why    asking for reason, asking what...for    Why do you say that?

why don't    making a suggestion    Why don't I help you?

how    asking about manner    How does this work?

how + adj/adv    asking about extent or degree    see examples below

how far    distance    How far is Pattaya from Bangkok?

how long    length (time or space)    How long will it take?

how many    quantity (countable)    How many cars are there?

how much    quantity (uncountable)    How much money do you have?

how old    age    How old are you?

how come (informal)    asking for reason, asking why    How come I can't see her?

I'm sorry.

Maybe i did not really see lots of things beside me, i'm too careless.
who to blame on when i don't want to tell everyone about it.
it's my fault , it's ?

Sorry is not the words i'm looking for , do it better is the answer but how?
maybe i seriously change the way i'm thinking...

i don't know how , i don't have the answer all i have is just blink blink ...

Friendship , Relationship and partnership all seem like gone with the wind.
I'm sorry i did not take this friendship seriously.
I'm sorry i hang on a relationship on silent .
I'm sorry i don't know how to partner with people.
everything seem gone , it's just not like me.

I think i'm lost . everything is lost...

As life goes , things change , people change , attitude change and friendship change but you got to move on because everything happen for a reason. Get strong and live life to the fullness don't stop because of some small issue , you will never grow up.It's a long road ahead that you don't know how long you have.

Should i keep on taking?

well i'm kinda concern about my health , there are some reason that i have to take some pill to control my headache , well they might have said something that i should not want to hear about it , it's serious pain for few days until i can't really take.
it happen last year , i have no dough about it , after taking it i feel more relax, i also find ask some professional advice about the problem i have , so as i ask he ask me about you were way too young to have this kinda of problem , so i let him know my conditional and on and on , he said you might get rid of the sugar and need more time to sleep, try not to use those pill always well after listen to that i know the good and bad about it so , i stop taking pill and had more sleep . but he said if there are problem bothering you try to relax and think about it 1st maybe make it a positive thinking and so and so.... then i went home and think again does those problem really are? again and again... later and later i actually take less of the pill .

frankly i did not tell anyone , until today one of my close friends he said sam are you thinking something always? you face look different then before it's somethings happen to you, as he ask we chat and talk about it , he said i din know that was a problem to you.I explain to him and he understand my situation.

i just don't want people to worry about me , and i know how to control myself .I've stop those pill since last year , i made a promised and i will never going to break it.figure out that those pill will solve the pain problem but emotion level will rise there's problem between there , i started to worry too much and stress a lot always , even sometimes i get angry without reason .. so i blame the pill and i found it no it's not the pill it's the thinking of myself had a small change.

well enough of the painkiller things
Chinese new year is around , so i bought some 2 pair of new shoes and upgrade something meanwhile i had few pants that i went to 3pointsix and i get 3 long pants, went to zara zara ... bought a very green shirt ... and i should be happy right.



well don't ask why i bough 2 because i don't think the answer will bring you to somewhere hahaha. and don't ask why blue. and brown.


Today's i might fall a piece , until my living souls has no meaning
but someone show me that falling a piece it's just an experience about it ,
i was about to give up , and someone told me something that I've thinking all wrong all the time, no one has a perfect road to on a journey you might have small problems or big, life ain't stopping when something crush in , it show me that i have to work harder to get the perfect strength.

Don't get things for granted , when it's not 100% yours it's not yours.
you might think you have lovely moment and lots of things in between,
if some one would dish in you will never know , because they already plan ahead
before you blend in.I'll not tell anythings about this , you have to find your own ways to find the correct answer ,you are choosing the path of road of your own,
and it's all dependence on you.

sometimes i don't know who to tell , but i know someone i trust is not around.
so i kept all in my heart , i feel tired at the moment and i do have less oxygen came to my mind and i fell like fainting , i know it could happen one day , just one day when the days come , i know what i have to do.

today i went to dennis house and had a small gamble , as people know that i don't gamble a lot just to entertain ,i drank the wrong things at his house , a can of pepsi although i think was nothing when i came back home i can't really stand properly the sugar had a rush in my blood and i feel like fainting ...seriously i thought those things should not be a problem just one can . but no it's still the same , had to follow all the things again.

To my pet brother and his girlfriend , safe trip for you guys and blessing from my heart.

What phone should i buy?

yeah today few of my friends msg me update me that he want to get a new phone , he came across to me and ask for my opinion then i let him know that what's good and bad and is he a heavy user or just get rid of the motion sensor fun. so he said he love to have the motion sensor games then frankly you don't really know what can the phone do other then the games right , he said it look cool , i stunned for second actually i laugh quite hard . well i have no comment on what on your mind but at least you need to know why are the phone you getting is useful?because of the apps that you need to paid for fun? and you telling me you are poor? lol if you own that phone you never poor , well put it this way you might have free games , when you saw few of your friends has some so called cool games , and you are addicted to it . so question come will you buy the game? a lot people would tell me sam no i will no buy the iphone apps i will jailbreak it ,then Oo really ? then when you want to send to warranty? you think reset the whole machine they will like don't know what happen? even a spoil hard drive can leak naked photo on the net , and super star become star and no star also become star . So if's not spoil so do you think it's more easy to recover the data before? LOL YES dude.

They said i don't know about iphone , so i ask how much do you know? you see cool video in youtube right can start a car engine and sync all your email this and that  do you know how to do it now? not later but now? do you really really know how? No i guess.Personally i use a iphone before the 1st few week serious it's cool , and i found out what's the cool parts is , you want to know? the games...

Ok come back for today conversation ,ykin msg me do you have any lubang for the GOOGLE PHONE CALLED NEXUS ONE? so i said no what's that , he said i'm outdated lol well then he ask me you know that phone look so cool , then he suddenly ask i still got iphone with me anot. i ask why iphone ykin said because the games that my girlfriend has is fun, so fun until i want get one. why you want to get one? since she have why not share? lol he said i would like to own it , then i ask again @@ why iphone? he stop for like few min and i know he kinda panic on this situation so i said why no ipod touch much more cheaper can play games , lol it's just don't have that stupid phone call things. he reply with LOL ya why i did not think of that.Then i said why not android phone?he said what's that hahaha actually i know he will give me that reaction , because not much android phone are launch in here so.... i said htc hero quite nice what , can organize mail and facebook , same shit and better stuff then iphone @@ why iphone?few min later he msg me again LOL I think i'm not going to get any new phone at the moment , but i will go for ipod touch lol that's the purpose of use your money wisely what hahaha.

Then I kacau tiben actually then he ask where can i get cheap iphone @@, well let's put it this way there are no cheap iphone due to they have market already , so many people think it's cool and bought it , that make the price never drop but more to come.so the answer is where to buy cheap iphone.... again the question , i reply to him MAXIS center , that's the best deal already ...
you got local warranty and data plan , you no need add more money for the data bill and phone bills. but it's one lum sum i know how you feel but if you don't mind getting the phone why do you mind about the price?he said it's cool sam ... it's so damn cool , lol i know why he said that ....games that girl are falling for it . no comment actually hahaha. so same thing i ask why not other phone? are you a heavy user? or you just want to catch up with others? he's feeling to me is he want to catch up with others and more or less few things that i know that he will know how to use facebooking , go to apple store download free games , insert new songs sms and called that all trust me , the phone function is more then that buy those few things that you need is just few. that why i seriously ask him do you really need an iphone , if you go for games well i strongly comment you go for iphone it's just like a gameboy that no need to bring your cartage and all you need is credit card hahaha  . so i hope tiben choose wisely as a friend comment , i would not say anythings bad about iphone but i will ask what needed do you want when come to phone?so the answer i gave it to him let's see how he choose.

Well i'm an iphone user last year heavy user , i sync my email and stuff but it's giving me hell the battery life is very fast weak , if i'm a sale runner that phone will not suit me , i have to 24/7 charge my phone in car office and etc etc ... well for the games i can only said that apple has some cool great games that i'm quite addicted , so my uncle actually bough that game on the spot , it's 2.99 usd if i 'm not mistaken... lol on the spot , just like that it's ok i understand sometimes when fun come we will just get it and doesn't think twice ... ok ok i'm not said that is stupid but seriously when you having fun things money is like we work for it . so i understand.before uncle pass aways he just want me to be happy , because he know i'm having problem with some problem with the group things so actually that iphone is bought just to make me happy , at that time i don't know why lots of things crumble at once friends ask for help but i scare of they back-step me or what just scare of that , and have many argue with pet brother , i promised myself and i said to myself i must slowly understand him and don't get into conclusion and respect what he said ,because i respect sometimes doesn't mean i have to listen i just don't want to be rude, well being rude will have lots of problem come out so take it as a advice, and i can tell i know what am i doing at the moment so don't put conclusion in some of the things you think.Well before uncle goes away , i just don't know how to said feel so abnormal around ... well life have to go on so put it this way , going aways is a process of learning .... and learning is painful. so put it this way i accept the fact that he's gone but i can't accept the excuses that you bought the iphone well the phone i use more then you use ... so i guess that was an excuses that you want to get a new phone.

so now friends that said want to buy iphone , i will ask carefully why they buy ?
that's why i'm so sensitives at this word sorry guys don't meant to be that sensitives .

My cousin wedding and it's an another massive wedding .... because on that day i know he's a race car driver ... LOL no comment X D . wish him happy forever and congratulation
 Mr Tek KING KONG hahaha X D

My missing path

I came across the same seaside I have no thought about this
My heart was left on a craft boat
looking for my missing path.

at this time the wave of the sea went silent
I look at my folding hand and I open it
my life have a lots of up and downs
I still remember the promises and your eye

It’s not necessarily you need to come back to me
I just put this as a memory like the page of my memories book
when I look back you are not around anymore
things that left back are some of the memories that I don’t remember
I’m empty now there is no people teaching me about this
who still loving me

I came back to the same spot that my memories were gone
when I look at the sky , It turn differently
I just pretend that I’m searching for something at the seaside
although I saw a shadow of a person
but I can’t really see who’s that and I believe that is you.

The sky is getting cloudy my feeling getting moody
things that I see now is nothing it’s just empty
it’s just a living shadow of somebody path
I can’t read the road and find the way anymore.

4 years of hardwork and i'm getting from zero

this few days was rushing final project sketch.
what a great day i have , there's was an accident  yesterday .
I'll not make any long sentence to make everyone worry, all i want you all to know I'm back same as last time you saw when i was injury . well in fact the pain is always there.

I'm actually totally random now , just know that i can back to cycling and things just happen like that.Noting at the outside and all i have is the pain at the inside, actually that's nothing already to me since i work so hard , i tried and tried and end up it's the same old story again. 

I waited 4 years to recovery and one small incident is back to zero, from the starting leg work out , swimming , short walk  and all sort of things and it's just end it here. there are slot for pain for the outside and inside . i just don't get it why every time i try to recover and shit happens?it's not the first time , for the last 2 years the same things happen in life. I rather i did not ask the question at the doctor. Well nothing can change back now , feel the walking pain again. start all the things from zero.

Something that i don't understand,who can define my answer for me?
When someone really know what i'm thinking now.

Maybe i should just stay at home and grow fat , like what people said?
Maybe i should work harder , because it's a process of living?

I just don't know which to choose.
Today i went to have a normal walk around my house area , things are not the same the feeling of the leg is empty and pain.who feel it?

i just saw the msg of his tittle.
feel more random , it's sort of like all the things are coming to me .I don't feel the things you said and i know when you saw me online you will just wipe the tittle off, what's the point of that?just to confest you are correct and i'm wrong? well if you think it that way i have seriously nothing to said about it.I don't want to argue with him because , i don't want him to change me and i don't want to change anyone thought , it because i learn that when i stand at someone position i will see something that we will not usually see. When i know how to stand on people position see things i keep quite and understand before i get into conclusion. I also learn something if i want encounter i'll make sure that i will have a specific reason to give. Mengz were right we miscommunication to each others , he get the wrong answer in his head , and i get my back off charge. 

last year somebody pass away which bring down my personal emotion, well when i get rid of it , things is just coming and coming. He said before" When a person went to the lowest point , they will jerk up to the very high point " so is the statement with me?
went back home today and have a talk with my father , he said to me not to go for cycling too long it might hurts , well that's very good support from him at the 1st time as i can said , he ask me today when i back home for dinner , he said why you walk like zombie , i actually don't dare to let him know and my mum knows that my leg is in medication so she just split out and said it out to my father, and i get cheerful words even bring out the oil for me to use on my leg, he said maybe you work to hard on your leg , actually there's was a small accident that i did not cover.
i started to keep things inside , i don't know who i can splits to .

All i want is somebody that understand me and let me talk before scold me, i don't like when people don't know anythings and they came to me or my friends to said things about me , well sometimes you see i walk normal and sometime i'll not , i have no need to tell a lie because some people they saw the incident.I don't care how you look at me at this moment all i wish is you ask me what's going on and it's better then you make your own answer.

Apologize 
is words to said sorry , it's doesn't mean i'm wrong either the person are wrong also, it's a words that how i rate my relationship and the level of respect to people. that i respect so i apologize. it's just how i rate my relationship.

It's my fault again?

few days ago i painted this out not very nice i can said but it's something related to my portfolio, don't ask me where i get the time i'll doing this for like 2 days already.

I don't know what went wrong and what happen today ... what a weird days , shit happen in one day. Pet brother called up me and tell me there's a freelance job , while the 1st msg was pretty happy when i receive in class , was having presentation mid while , forget to silent mode but lucky i change to low profile more and it's just nice that people that did not hear that,just so surprise about the job and so excited  actually, he keep msg me and update me and i was middle of something was avoid few sms from him that time was brainstorming and i don't want to ruining  my brainstorming section because it's seriously useful , the class extended to 2 oc , and my pet brother was asking me to meet up him and his boss at 1 oc , actually i don't know what time will my class end because they don't have a specific time for DG student , well when the time is already 2oc  i was plan to sms him and ask where is him, then i call back home to ask my mom fetch me because i did not drove to college due to the parking issue, so when i call back home no one pick up , then i call father they ask me to go back myself , and my days was so spoil from there ... damn sad , no one actually stay at my position and look at my situations , and i do understand about the consequence i'm facing now. 

I was plan to go to the Canada education fair before 3oc
I get excited from the morning sms .
I did not get any notice that mom is out and i have to find my way to go home.
I can't give a specific answer to my pet brother because i'm in some issue

There are few things that ...
I can't confirm the freelance because i have heavy work in my hand.
I can't make a promises and time because i'm not driving.
I can't just said I'm coming and let you wait me like crazy.
I have few works that i need to spend lots of time to draw and edit and more.I don't like to receive things like you like how then how this kind of msg things i really hate like i'm creating problem in between .

Please understand my situation before you jump to conclusion because i don't want to make problem , please stand on my position and think for me , if you make Fill in the blank answer then i will be like you what you think, please don't do that . i don't want to change people though and i also don't want people to change my though , so please please please don't stand at your own position and think something because you might get the wrong answer later.

sorry to that if i have made any problems out today , i just feel that maybe it's my fault of all about it , but seriously the canada education fair is way more important ....http://www.canadainternational.gc.ca/malaysia-malaisie/highlights-faits/canadian_education-education_canadienne.aspx?lang=eng(the link)

I'm don't know how to said those things in my life it's just screw up , people around me is giving me hell and i'm sick of it , i did ask myself about it why am i stuck what happen when did it go wrong?a lots of question that i asked myself , there are few reason that make me very mad , people that other is people is always wrong at something , but in fact they just don't know what are they trying to said infront is actually a mirror of their selfs, the other things is my mum , there are few things that my mum always scold me about it , my stuff, the heater adapter  and when I'm at home, but when my brother in law came back it's totally different story his stuff was actually all over the house , and after shower the adapter did not plug out ,so what? I'm the asshole who get fucked up and the other fact my mum just help him plug out the adapter. LOL so it's a fucking joke? while there are things i been kept quite for sometime , people are so sick when you keep quite they just doing things that will over do , so in fact i can bare with it.

They said they working is tired , it look like earning money people feel tired ,so does we IDIOTS !!! I'M FUCKING TIRED TOO SO DON'T JUST SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT . IF you wants to correct me why not you look at yourself and check rather is that my problem or it's yours.I hate people that correct people but they did not have a solid idol of their self , just the talking everyone is a professional but when it come to doing does it really apply on you .

since Uncle ben pass away news , i been keep quite and it look like i'm left over , things i can't share with someone , no one understand me well then uncle ben who can replace his place , well in fact sometimes to sharp words is really cruel but when i think back it's the real truth about it , people that i respect.

After Uncle Ben passing aways news i don't where am i and what am i doing .basically i'm just lost. Learning the new things is not easy yet not hard too. i need time.