My missing path

I came across the same seaside I have no thought about this
My heart was left on a craft boat
looking for my missing path.

at this time the wave of the sea went silent
I look at my folding hand and I open it
my life have a lots of up and downs
I still remember the promises and your eye

It’s not necessarily you need to come back to me
I just put this as a memory like the page of my memories book
when I look back you are not around anymore
things that left back are some of the memories that I don’t remember
I’m empty now there is no people teaching me about this
who still loving me

I came back to the same spot that my memories were gone
when I look at the sky , It turn differently
I just pretend that I’m searching for something at the seaside
although I saw a shadow of a person
but I can’t really see who’s that and I believe that is you.

The sky is getting cloudy my feeling getting moody
things that I see now is nothing it’s just empty
it’s just a living shadow of somebody path
I can’t read the road and find the way anymore.

4 years of hardwork and i'm getting from zero

this few days was rushing final project sketch.
what a great day i have , there's was an accident  yesterday .
I'll not make any long sentence to make everyone worry, all i want you all to know I'm back same as last time you saw when i was injury . well in fact the pain is always there.

I'm actually totally random now , just know that i can back to cycling and things just happen like that.Noting at the outside and all i have is the pain at the inside, actually that's nothing already to me since i work so hard , i tried and tried and end up it's the same old story again. 

I waited 4 years to recovery and one small incident is back to zero, from the starting leg work out , swimming , short walk  and all sort of things and it's just end it here. there are slot for pain for the outside and inside . i just don't get it why every time i try to recover and shit happens?it's not the first time , for the last 2 years the same things happen in life. I rather i did not ask the question at the doctor. Well nothing can change back now , feel the walking pain again. start all the things from zero.

Something that i don't understand,who can define my answer for me?
When someone really know what i'm thinking now.

Maybe i should just stay at home and grow fat , like what people said?
Maybe i should work harder , because it's a process of living?

I just don't know which to choose.
Today i went to have a normal walk around my house area , things are not the same the feeling of the leg is empty and pain.who feel it?

i just saw the msg of his tittle.
feel more random , it's sort of like all the things are coming to me .I don't feel the things you said and i know when you saw me online you will just wipe the tittle off, what's the point of that?just to confest you are correct and i'm wrong? well if you think it that way i have seriously nothing to said about it.I don't want to argue with him because , i don't want him to change me and i don't want to change anyone thought , it because i learn that when i stand at someone position i will see something that we will not usually see. When i know how to stand on people position see things i keep quite and understand before i get into conclusion. I also learn something if i want encounter i'll make sure that i will have a specific reason to give. Mengz were right we miscommunication to each others , he get the wrong answer in his head , and i get my back off charge. 

last year somebody pass away which bring down my personal emotion, well when i get rid of it , things is just coming and coming. He said before" When a person went to the lowest point , they will jerk up to the very high point " so is the statement with me?
went back home today and have a talk with my father , he said to me not to go for cycling too long it might hurts , well that's very good support from him at the 1st time as i can said , he ask me today when i back home for dinner , he said why you walk like zombie , i actually don't dare to let him know and my mum knows that my leg is in medication so she just split out and said it out to my father, and i get cheerful words even bring out the oil for me to use on my leg, he said maybe you work to hard on your leg , actually there's was a small accident that i did not cover.
i started to keep things inside , i don't know who i can splits to .

All i want is somebody that understand me and let me talk before scold me, i don't like when people don't know anythings and they came to me or my friends to said things about me , well sometimes you see i walk normal and sometime i'll not , i have no need to tell a lie because some people they saw the incident.I don't care how you look at me at this moment all i wish is you ask me what's going on and it's better then you make your own answer.

Apologize 
is words to said sorry , it's doesn't mean i'm wrong either the person are wrong also, it's a words that how i rate my relationship and the level of respect to people. that i respect so i apologize. it's just how i rate my relationship.

It's my fault again?

few days ago i painted this out not very nice i can said but it's something related to my portfolio, don't ask me where i get the time i'll doing this for like 2 days already.

I don't know what went wrong and what happen today ... what a weird days , shit happen in one day. Pet brother called up me and tell me there's a freelance job , while the 1st msg was pretty happy when i receive in class , was having presentation mid while , forget to silent mode but lucky i change to low profile more and it's just nice that people that did not hear that,just so surprise about the job and so excited  actually, he keep msg me and update me and i was middle of something was avoid few sms from him that time was brainstorming and i don't want to ruining  my brainstorming section because it's seriously useful , the class extended to 2 oc , and my pet brother was asking me to meet up him and his boss at 1 oc , actually i don't know what time will my class end because they don't have a specific time for DG student , well when the time is already 2oc  i was plan to sms him and ask where is him, then i call back home to ask my mom fetch me because i did not drove to college due to the parking issue, so when i call back home no one pick up , then i call father they ask me to go back myself , and my days was so spoil from there ... damn sad , no one actually stay at my position and look at my situations , and i do understand about the consequence i'm facing now. 

I was plan to go to the Canada education fair before 3oc
I get excited from the morning sms .
I did not get any notice that mom is out and i have to find my way to go home.
I can't give a specific answer to my pet brother because i'm in some issue

There are few things that ...
I can't confirm the freelance because i have heavy work in my hand.
I can't make a promises and time because i'm not driving.
I can't just said I'm coming and let you wait me like crazy.
I have few works that i need to spend lots of time to draw and edit and more.I don't like to receive things like you like how then how this kind of msg things i really hate like i'm creating problem in between .

Please understand my situation before you jump to conclusion because i don't want to make problem , please stand on my position and think for me , if you make Fill in the blank answer then i will be like you what you think, please don't do that . i don't want to change people though and i also don't want people to change my though , so please please please don't stand at your own position and think something because you might get the wrong answer later.

sorry to that if i have made any problems out today , i just feel that maybe it's my fault of all about it , but seriously the canada education fair is way more important ....http://www.canadainternational.gc.ca/malaysia-malaisie/highlights-faits/canadian_education-education_canadienne.aspx?lang=eng(the link)

I'm don't know how to said those things in my life it's just screw up , people around me is giving me hell and i'm sick of it , i did ask myself about it why am i stuck what happen when did it go wrong?a lots of question that i asked myself , there are few reason that make me very mad , people that other is people is always wrong at something , but in fact they just don't know what are they trying to said infront is actually a mirror of their selfs, the other things is my mum , there are few things that my mum always scold me about it , my stuff, the heater adapter  and when I'm at home, but when my brother in law came back it's totally different story his stuff was actually all over the house , and after shower the adapter did not plug out ,so what? I'm the asshole who get fucked up and the other fact my mum just help him plug out the adapter. LOL so it's a fucking joke? while there are things i been kept quite for sometime , people are so sick when you keep quite they just doing things that will over do , so in fact i can bare with it.

They said they working is tired , it look like earning money people feel tired ,so does we IDIOTS !!! I'M FUCKING TIRED TOO SO DON'T JUST SAID SOMETHING LIKE THAT . IF you wants to correct me why not you look at yourself and check rather is that my problem or it's yours.I hate people that correct people but they did not have a solid idol of their self , just the talking everyone is a professional but when it come to doing does it really apply on you .

since Uncle ben pass away news , i been keep quite and it look like i'm left over , things i can't share with someone , no one understand me well then uncle ben who can replace his place , well in fact sometimes to sharp words is really cruel but when i think back it's the real truth about it , people that i respect.

After Uncle Ben passing aways news i don't where am i and what am i doing .basically i'm just lost. Learning the new things is not easy yet not hard too. i need time.